At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
third nipple confirmed
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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