we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He felt like a one man threesome
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize