dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
