I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
