Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
