I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
