FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Bring me that man meat
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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