I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Drunk is not a location!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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