I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
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