Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
