Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
