I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
