I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize
