I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
