Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
