New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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