just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Your cock deserves a montage
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
