If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
