His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
