Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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