1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
