I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
