she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
