I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
