Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
