420 ftw
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
