last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
