My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
