we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We don't watch enough power rangers
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Randomize
