why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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