I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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