I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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