I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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