Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
