i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
