Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize