he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
