Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
