It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
