Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Actions speak louder than pants.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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