i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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