i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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