i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
