butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
