question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
