So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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