i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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