Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
