Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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