Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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