Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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