So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
