Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
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