Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
