Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
the day after is always just damage control
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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