tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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