omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize