All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
