also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
