the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Randomize
