somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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