so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
third nipple confirmed
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
