Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
