I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
