Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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