Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
its liver damage thursday
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
