Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
