We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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