All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
