remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i can't believe i had my finger in that
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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