when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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