the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize