just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
