i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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