I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
