i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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