she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
