guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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