he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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