Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
this boner is exhausting
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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