Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
So apparently I’m into choking now
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