wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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