I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
