I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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