A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
