Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize