Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
