Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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