Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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