am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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