i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
