If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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