apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
