just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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