I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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