well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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