why didn't you poke me back
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
