obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize