Jerry, you need to find god
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
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