I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
PANTIES FOUND
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