Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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