talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
