I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
