i think my mom watched the whole time
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
