Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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