You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
