had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize