I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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