Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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