So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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